Actually Peter, I really like the composition. I did wonder however if you pulled the right side in a bit more...tight portraits are more flattering than people realize, and instead of trying to de-saturate the colour to that degree, try getting into the 256 B&W or playing with some B&W channels (Red, Blue, or Green). Other option might be to look at this one in varying levels of sepia...It can be very flattering. Other than that...great shot, and model!