To me, this has the makings of a Calvin Klein ad... the beautiful people, the weird, yet natural poses, the direct gaze of some, and the nonchalant-ness of the others... The only thing that's not up to snuff is the lighting. Seems very inconsistent and not flattering. I'm not a portrait photog (or at least not yet! *grin*) but I'm sure that there are some people here that could help you achieve great lighting. You have all the elements... you just need them to work for you!
This potentially could be a great fashion shoot straight out of Ibiza. The lighting gives it a sense of "reality". Nice work.
There are three things, which could improve this photo if changed:
1/ The hand of the female model that's standing should be placed differently - perhaps resting on his chest.
2/ The green shoe is a little distracting (although very much part of the "scene")
3/ The owner of the Green shoe has hair running across her forehead. It's a small detail, but usually its little things like that make or break a photo.
Oh. And one more thing, did you try moving a little to the left to include a little more of the guy?
I'm not sure if you're familiar with any of the "Cafe Del Mar" CD collection, but this could be a cover for one of them...
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